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Fundraising Tuesday: Making a First Impression

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There’s an old saying: “You never get a second chance to make a good first impression.” Nowhere does that saying apply more than when you write a fundraising appeal letter.

Whether the donor even opens the letter depends on the envelope. Whether they give it a second glance depends on whether or not you get the name right–and what you say in the postscript–and whether you’ve made the letter easy to read.

Now, let’s say they start to read those words you, the writer, thought about so long, and worked and worked to get just right.

If the first sentence of your appeal letter doesn't compel your donor to read on, you may just have wasted your time sending it. Share on X

And that would be a shame! So, what can you do in the very first sentence of your fundraising appeal to spur your potential donor to read the rest, and donate?

First Sentences That Pull Donors In

Here are the first sentences of some fundraising appeals I received recently that made me read the rest of the letter:

It wasn’t Mai’s decision to call the police. (RESPOND, an agency working to end domestic violence)

In a few weeks, a high-priced team of lawyers will ask the Supreme Court to stop you from helping farm workers. (United Farm Workers)

Imagine you are 15 years old and you woke up this morning as your detention center roommate was being rushed to the hospital with a fever, sore throat, and a raspy cough.  (The Sentencing Project)

$15 doesn’t sound like much, I know. It could buy a nice lunch or a few fancy coffees…or it could provide emergency relief, lifesaving medical treatment, clean water and sanitation…right now. (International Medical Corps)

It’s personal. (Community Cooks)

It’s just an “LGBTQ Safe Zone” sticker. Yet, when you put it up in your synagogue, JCC, day school, or other communal space, you just might change the world. (Keshet, for LGBTQ equality in Jewish life)

Maria left an unsafe home and a volatile relationship and found her way to a shelter in Cambridge earlier this year. (Second Chances)

How many times have you seen a homeless woman on the street, and passed by with neither of you any better off? (On the Rise)

How a Great First Sentence Works

If you’re like me, you receive dozens of appeal letters over the course of a year. What was it about these examples that caught my eye and made me want to know more?

  1. Story. The first sentences in the letters from RESPOND and Second Chances put me right into the middle of the action. As a reader, I had to find out what happened next.
  2. Surprise. The International Medical Corps and Keshet spotlighted a small action I could take that could have a dramatic result.
  3. High stakes. The Sentencing Project made me imagine a teenager who could be getting Covid-19, a matter of life and death.
  4. Emotion. Some of these letters frightened me. Some inspired me. Some made me discontent with the way things are now. Some made me smile at the thought of how things could be.
  5. The letter was about me…and someone who needs help.
    • The UFW got me to bristle at the thought of “high-priced lawyers” taking away my right to give.
    • On the Rise made me think about how it would feel to have a genuine relationship with that woman on the street.
    • Community Cooks captured the essence of why most people donate: because it’s personal.

Notice what these first sentences didn’t do

All these first sentences avoided the deadly weaknesses that send so many appeal letters to the recycling bin, unread and unanswered.

They didn’t speak in generalities, but got down to cases.

They didn’t talk about what matters to the organization: the fiscal year coming to an end, or a budget that has to be balanced, for instance. In fact, they didn’t mention the organization at all.

Instead, all of them pinpointed what would matter to me, the donor. They literally put me first.

Two Ways to Make a Good First Impression with Your Next Appeal Letter

When do you write your next fundraising appeal letter? Maybe you’re working on it right now. Here are two things you can do make that first sentence a winner.

Find it in what you’ve already written. Take a look at your current draft. Are the first few sentences (or paragraphs!) humdrum? Did it take you a while to get to the part that’s going to be exciting to the donor? Then you can either move the exciting part ahead of routine part,  up to the first sentence–or just cut the beginning you have now and begin with what the donor will want to hear.

Write the first sentence last. If you’ve got a lot of good material but nothing to make the donor have to read it, put yourself in the mind of the person who’s picking up your letter in the mail. What is there about what you’re saying that you can say simply, briefly, in an exciting way?

Make that the first sentence, before it goes in the mail. You’ll make a good first impression–and more money for your cause.

Fundraising Tuesday: Two New Ideas for Renewing Donors

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Renewing donors takes loveRenewing your donors is much more effective than acquiring new ones. You already know they’re interested: they expressed that with their first gift! And if you have been saying thank-you and reporting on what you did with their gift (and what difference it made), they should be in the mood to give again. You’ve shown them the love!

It costs less to renew donors than to find new ones. Over time, they become your loyal supporters–or rather, you become their favored organization! Instead of asking themselves, “Am I going to give to this group again?,” they think “How much?” and “How often?” And sometimes, “Who can I tell about this fabulous organization?”

With that in mind, I want to congratulate WNYC Public Radio for giving me two new ideas for wooing those donors toward renewing.

“It’s Your Anniversary!”

WNYC’s envelope arrived in the mail with this message boldly blazoned on the front:

IT’S YOUR ANNIVERSARY

Stay current. Stay inspired. Renew today.

Look at all the things WNYC did right!

  • They used a deadline that was meaningful to me, not an internal deadline.
  • They caught my attention and made me want to open the envelope.
  • They used the word “your.”
  • They pointed out the benefits I get from giving.
  • They asked for money, right there, right then.

They also avoided doing the wrong things!

Have you ever received a blank envelope, with no return address, from an organization you supported–and when you opened it anyway, it said “We have not yet received this year’s donation”? Sadly, I have: on the same day this letter arrived from WNYC. Which one do you think received my donation?

A Personal Page for Renewing My Donation

Here’s a second great idea that I have never seen before, and I predict that many nonprofits will adopt it. You should steal it, now, for your organization.

P.S. Use your personalized online form to renew right now, rather than looking for a stamp and taking a trip to the mail box!

That’s right. The station set up an online donation form under www.mywnyc.org with my name on it. Not only that, but it had my name and address already filled in. All I had to do was choose an amount, fill in my credit card number, and click the button.

What a fabulous way to make the donor feel seen! (And on the back end, I’ll bet, it’s making it completely simple for the development department to see the renewal and thank me in real time.)

You should steal these two ideas now, for your organization.

It’s Not Renewing if I Didn’t Give Before

One thing the station did that you should NOT copy: don’t ask me to renew a gift that I didn’t make.

Yes, I gave to the program On the Media. Yes, WNYC produces On the Media. But that doesn’t mean I gave to the station…or want to.

Look, I’ve been on the inside at nonprofit organizations, and I know how much it matters to get unrestricted donations. When a donor does what I did last year–give to a specific program–it helps. But when the donor gives to the organization as a whole, the dollars go farther. I get that.

All the same, it’s dishonest to pretend I already made a donation and said “Use it where you need it most.” I haven’t said that: not yet, at least. If you want me to give to the organization instead of (or in addition to) the program I like, you have to persuade me. There are ways of doing that. Try them!

 

 

Fundraising Tuesday: Let Donors Hear That They Matter

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We want to hear from youIs your nonprofit not getting the donations that you would like? The reason might be that you are not telling donors what they want to hear.

I’ll let you in on a secret: I read all the appeal letters you send to the Fischman household, and the great majority of them are focused on your nonprofit organization.

You bragged about what “we” accomplished. You told Rona and me about what “we” need.

And in each case, “we” meant the organization…not the Fischmans or any other donors.

This is an Opportunity!

The bad news is that by saying “we,” you are putting the donors on the outside and making them less likely to give. Donors don’t want to hear that you’re great without them. Why should they donate if you’re already doing so well?

The good news is that you can tell donors what they want to hear–which is that they matter.

Let Donors Hear the Difference They Make

Do donors really need to hear that they matter? Don’t just take it from me.

To create compelling stories for your nonprofit marketing, consider ways to make the audience the hero of the story. –Khaled Allen

Your donors don’t care about your campaign goal! -Tom Ahern

So what do donors care about?  They care about themselves.  Not in a selfish way, but in how they help your organization succeed.  They want to know what difference their support makes.  The impact their donation has on your ability to fulfill your mission. –Chad Barger

making heroes not exploiting

Three female superheroes on a t-shirt

Why do superheros keep on going? Because they know something bad will happen if they stop. Making your donors the superheroes for your organization helps them understand they need to keep helping your cause, keep fighting the bad guys, and keep making the world a better place. –Kivi Leroux Miller

How You Can Say “You Matter” so They Hear It

If you are using the word you more than the name of your agency, that’s a good first step. By itself, though, you won’t do the trick.

'We are a great agency, so you need to support us' is not making the donors feel they matter. Share on X

The key idea to express is “Because of you, the donor, this success story happens.” Draw a direct line between the donor’s decision to give and the lives saved, or the people helped, or the great work of art produced or performed.

It’s odd but true: the more you claim the credit, the less people feel inclined to give.

But please hear this: the more you step out of the way, the more you portray your organization as the donor’s tool for doing what they want done, the more likely your donors are to give. And to feel proud of themselves. And to give again.

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